I’m guessing you’re thinking at least one of these myths, because while I was dealing with my own burnout, compassion fatigue and vicarious trauma in Boise I went through all the same thoughts at some point or another. In fact, there is a good chance that right now you aren’t 100% convinced that coaching or counseling would help you because of some of these thoughts. Maybe you heard someone speak about these topics and you did a search, ending up here trying to figure out how to help yourself, not trying to find someone to help you.
While I certainly have ideas about how you can help yourself, I think we all know how this often tends to go. We read something or hear a speaker and say yeah, I really need to do that. But time slips away from you, or you try it but run into roadblocks and it ends up getting shelved. For your sake, I really hope you don’t invest all your time into finding ideas that you never end up using. So, here are those myths that might be holding you back.
1. I SHOULD BE ABLE TO HANDLE BURNOUT, COMPASSION FATIGUE, AND VICARIOUS TRAUMA ON MY OWN.
There are some people who can “handle it on their own.” But speaking from experience, I can tell you it will take longer and the management of it may or may not last long-term depending on what you do. Why do we even think we should be able to handle it on our own? In part, because we are never even taught that this will be a problem we’ll have to deal with – when in fact, it is a completely NORMAL part of being compassionate and caring about people. If we’re taught to do anything the advice is simple “leave work at the door” (compartmentalize it), “get counseling,” “talk to someone.” Well that’s about as vague as it gets isn’t it?
Take yourself out of it for just a moment; if you were talking to your best friend about this, would you expect them to be able to handle it on their own? Or would you be encouraging them to get some support?
2. IF TRAUMA IS INVOLVED IN ANY WAY YOU NEED A COUNSELOR, NOT A LIFE COACH.
There are many paths to self-improvement and healing. I encourage you to take the path that you feel most comfortable with for yourself. Coaching can be a lot more comfortable for people because of things like the lack of diagnoses and generally less stigma. That being said, there are some times where counseling for trauma is more appropriate than coaching. One good sign is when the emotional aspects of the trauma are getting in the way of you making change. Other signs you want to work with a counselor instead (or in addition to) are when you are having thoughts of harming yourself or are frequently dissociating (feeling like you are essentially outside of yourself). This is more common when you have directly experienced the trauma yourself, rather than hearing about it indirectly, but it can happen in both cases.
3. IF I GET HELP IT MEANS I’M “CRAZY” OR WILL BE HOSPITALIZED.
I could write a whole blog just on this topic alone but I’ll make it short. First, on being hospitalized – I can say in all my experience I have only ever hospitalized 1 person who really wanted to harm themselves (when I was in a very different role) and I probably wouldn’t have had to do it if we already had an established professional relationship. Instead, we would have been able to make a plan to keep the person safe. Going to the hospital for this is strictly for safety in my book because I’ve heard very few positive experiences; it is not a place where the actual healing happens, it is a place to keep you safe while in crisis. Second, on being “crazy” – It still surprises me when people say this. We all need help from a professional at various points in life – we can’t do surgery on ourselves, we can’t safely do big electrical jobs at home, we can’t fill our own cavities. I would argue we can’t be the only ones supporting our mental well-being either, especially when our own job is to help other people. When systems and traumas are causing our concerns, we aren’t the crazy ones – we are having a normal reaction.
4. I CAN JUST DO THE SAME AS I WOULD FOR “JUST” BURNOUT.
How I wish this was true. Burnout happens to pretty much everyone at some point when we’re working too hard for too long, regardless of the job. Taking a vacation or time off usually helps it. If not, changing jobs tends to work. Taking some time each day to just discharge, rest, and recharge works. But if you’re beyond burnout and into compassion fatigue or vicarious trauma those things alone don’t work long-term. It doesn’t mean we don’t need some of those strategies too, but we need more. We need to learn how to practice healing empathy, be guided by our values, connect to the meaning in what we do, set compassionate boundaries, and nurture our relationships. We need to be able to notice and challenge ourselves when we are having unhelpful thoughts, especially if they are connecting to awful stories we’ve heard. We need to nurture our own hearts.
5. I DON’T NEED A PLAN.
You don’t need someone else’s plan. But we each need our own personalized plan for taking care of ourselves. Why? Because if you stay in any helping profession you WILL be exposed to trauma either directly or indirectly. Your resilience will be low if you don’t have a way that you work through those things (other than stuffing it down). Your brain will automatically revert back to old easy ways of dealing with things that aren’t always helpful in the long run. You will struggle to pull yourself out of those unhelpful patterns if you don’t have a plan that works for you. I sincerely hope that doesn’t happen to you.
6. I CAN CONTINUE DOING A GREAT JOB HELPING PEOPLE EVEN THOUGH I’M FRIED.
We all have wanted to believe this at one time or another. Perhaps you are even doing “good enough” right now. But have you ever had someone help you who clearly was fried themselves? It doesn’t tend to make for a very positive experience. The more fried we are, the more mistakes we make. The less effective we tend to be. The more exhausting it is to do something that used to be easy for us. And , the less empathy we have for others. Eventually, we end up not doing such a great job and feeling guilt and shame on top of our burnout.
7. I’M ONLY HURTING MYSELF.
I used to believe this one myself when I was at my worst with burnout, compassion fatigue, and vicarious trauma. With some help, I started to realize how it was impacting my interactions with everyone else. How I didn’t reach out to friends and family because I was so exhausted. How I had so little patience at home with my family. How I wasn’t connecting the way I wanted to with my clients. The painful truth is when we don’t take care of ourselves, we are hurting our relationships too.
8. I’LL ALWAYS BE DRAINED SO NOTHING WILL WORK.
If you’re thinking this one you are probably feeling hopeless. It is a sucky place to be. We are all going to have ups and downs with our energy. There will always be hard days, weeks, or even months. No amount of coaching, counseling, or anything is going to change the fact that stress and hard times exist. And at the same time, I’d ask you to consider what is making you feel drained and what has made you feel energized in the past. I would ask you to consider your strengths and values and if you are living a life where these things are at the forefront. I would ask you to dream a little about what your ideal life looks like. We would start taking small steps to get there. This is why band aids for burnout don’t work. It is about our lifestyle and all the little and big decisions we make over time.
I hope this helps you find the strength to get support and the right coach or counselor for yourself. If you’re still feeling stuck, schedule a free consultation with me. I’d be happy to listen to what is keeping you stuck and make some suggestions for who or what could help you. If you’re looking for help with burnout, compassion fatigue, or vicarious trauma you can read more about how I can help here.
